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Ok, I have a confession to make.
I have spent almost my whole life– 31 years– caring far too much about offending people, worrying if I’m cool enough for them, or asking myself if they are judging me.
I can’t take it anymore. It’s stupid, and it’s not good for my well being. It has made me a punching bag– a flighty, nervous wuss. But worse than that, it has made me someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything. It has made me someone who stood in the middle, far too often, and not where I cared to stand, for fear of alienating others. No more. Not today.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, is different.
We’re going to talk about the cure. We’re going to talk about what’s necessary. We’re going to talk about the truth.
Do you wonder if someone is talking shit about you? Whether your friends will approve? Have you become conflict-avoidant? Spineless?
Well, it’s time you started not giving a fuck.
FACT NUMBER 1. People are judging you right now.
Yes, it’s really happening right at this moment. Some people don’t like you, and guess what? There’s nothing you can do about it. No amount of coercion, toadying, or pandering to their interests will help. In fact, the opposite is often true; the more you stand for something, the more they respect you, whether it’s grudgingly or not.
What people truly respect is when you draw the line and say “you will go no further.” They may not like this behaviour, but so what? These are people don’t like you anyway, why should you attempt to please people who don’t care for you in the first place?
Right. Then, there’s Internet trolls. That’s a whole other thing.
Regular people are fine– you don’t actually hear it when they’re talking behind your back. But on the web, you do see it, which changes the dynamic drastically. They have an impact because they know you have your vanity searches, etc. But the real problem with Internet haters is that they confirm your paranoid delusion that everyone out there secretly hates you.
Thankfully, that’s not actually true. So the first noble truth is that most people don’t even care that you’re alive. Embrace this, my friends, for it is true freedom. The world is vast and you are small, and therefore you may do as you wish and cast your thoughts of those who dislike it to the side.
FACT NUMBER 2. You don’t need everyone to like you.
This stuff is crazy, I know, but it’s cool, you’ll get used to it. Here’s the next thing: not only do most people not know that you exist, and some are judging you, but it totally does not matter even if they are.
How liberating this is may not even hit you yet, but it will. Check this out: when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.
You know when they say “the best revenge is a life well lived”? Well, this is true, but it isn’t the whole truth. A life well lived is great, yes, but it cannot happen while you are sweating about who your detractors are and what they think. What you have to do, what you have no choice but to do, is accept it and move on.
So not giving a fuck is actually a necessary precedent to create a good life for yourself. It can’t happen without it. That’s why you have to begin today.
FACT NUMBER 3. It’s your people that matter.
Ok, so you’ve adjusted to the fact that most people in the world are barely aware of your existence, and you’re also conscious of the fact that those who don’t like you are in the obscenely small minority and don’t actually matter. Awesome. Next you need to realize that the people who do care about you, and no one else, are those you need to focus on.
Relationships are weird. Once we’re in one (with family, a spouse, whatever), we promptly begin to take the other person for granted and move on to impressing strangers instead– say, our boss. Then, once we’ve impressed our boss, we start taking him for granted too, and so on, in an endless cycle of apathy. It’s like we always prefer to impress and charm the new than to work on what we already have.
But these people– your champions– they understand your quest or your cause. They make you feel good when you’re around them, make you laugh or make you feel like you can just be yourself. They make you feel relaxed or at ease. You’ve shared things with them. They’re important. Focus on them instead.
FACT NUMBER 4. Those who don’t give a fuck change the world. The rest do not.
So I’m reading this horrible book right now by Stephen King called the Long Walk. It’s a contest where people walk without sleeping or resting, and if they do stop, they are killed. (That’s actually every Stephen King book– “there’s a clown, but it kills!” “There’s a car, but it kills!” etc.)
I suspect this book is a metaphor for war, but it also captures perseverance very well. What it takes to move past anything is to simply realize that your obstacle is unimportant, and that it can be dismissed. This is true whether you’re running a marathon or trying to get to Mars.
If you dismiss the things that do not matter; if you remove those things from your mind and focus on what must be done; if you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; only then will you be able to get to the finish line. Otherwise, you will be dissuaded into living a life you aren’t interested in.
Side note: You need to handle failure and obscurity better. You may be in a tough place right now where you feel lonely or like a loser. No worries, we’ve all been there. But it’s time for you to realize how common these things are, and that they’re experienced by even the most successful and happiest people in the world. Those people get past them, and you will too.
You want to know something? This actually has nothing to do with anyone else. It has everything to do with you.
I had a discussion with Jonathan Fields the other week that was about the use of swearing (and “true voice”) on blogs. I watched him on a Skype video as we did this, and I could actually pinpoint the moment where he was about to say “fuck” but almost stopped himself. It was amazing. So I called him out on it. “You felt it just now, didn’t you?”
Everyone has an internetal eye. It always watching. It has been slowly constructed by society at large and by your friends and family, and it checks you for unacceptable behaviour. If you have had it around for long enough, you actually start to believe that the eye is you, and that you’re “being reasonable” or some other rationalization.
But the eye isn’t you at all. It is a prison, and you have justified its existence by obeying it. It’s strong because you let it be strong.
But the secret, the part that’s amazing, is that it can’t do anything to stop you, even if it wanted to. It’s an eye. It can only watch. The rest of you is free to act as you wish.
STEP 1. Do things that you consider embarrassing.
My girlfriend and I have been breaking in Vibram Fivefingers in preparation for the massive walk we are doing. Have you ever seen these shoes? They’re amazing for you knees and give you no blisters, but they are the ugliest thing imaginable. Yesterday, I wore them with a sweet bowtie I put on for Easter. I looked like a crazy person.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I am deeply aware and can become quite upset by people’s judgment– I think a lot of people are, but don’t admit it. But as I walked by people in my techno-clown outfit, not a single person looked at me. Nobody cared, and it slowly dawned on me that even if people did look at me weird, they just walked by. Later, they would forget about me entirely.
You must try this. Find your internal filters and break them, one at a time. Notice how society, like an ocean, smoothes over the waves you make, until what you do gets eliminated, or becomes the status quo. Work with this.
STEP 2. Accept, or deal with, awkwardness.
It’s widely known that interviewers get their best material by being quiet and allowing silence to force words out of a politician or celebrity.
You may be uncomfortable with silence. I know I still am. But I have been working on it and have to say that it is a much more serene state to be in than trying to cover it up with random babbling just to fill up the air. This is one type of awkwardness, a kind that you should feel comfortable about and learn to live with.
Another kind of social awkwardness is this in-between space where you might have done something wrong or been wronged, but don’t say anything. I’ve been given a few harsh lessons in my time and come away realizing that the freedom that comes from talking about an uncomfortable truth is better than the comfort of avoiding that talk altogether.
Someone told me recently that the Clintons’ method for earning respect in politics is this: if someone pushes you, push back twice as hard. This is much better than awkwardness. It’s clear, it’s not passive aggressive, and you know where you stand. Start doing this immediately.
STEP 3. Refuse boundaries.
The video above was taken in 1970, right when the Front de Libération du Québec had killed Premier Pierre Laporte and put his body in the trunk of a car. Trudeau’s “Just watch me” is one of the most famous phrases in Canadian political history. The journalists are trying to trap him into choosing on-camera between a safety/police-state and civil liberties/freedom but Trudeau refuses their boxes.
The Liberal Party of Canada no longer has any balls, but for us, there’s still hope. Walk where you want to walk. Don’t accept false choices. Don’t let people dictate how you should live your life. Definitely don’t listen to the eye.
STEP 4. Tell the truth.
You don’t need to be an asshole, but the world does not need another conflict-avoidant, evasive person. No one wants another individual who steps in line with everyone else. The status quo is doing fine without you, so it’s up to you to call bullshit if you see it.
Don’t mind-read either. Telling the truth means seeing the truth, not adding your own layer of sugar coating or suspected emotion on top of it.
STEP 5. Begin your new life.
This step can’t happen without the others, but once you’ve gotten here, you can safely begin to explore a whole new world– one where anything you do is fine as long as it isn’t seriously hurting anyone else. Wanna explore old abandoned buildings? No problem, as long as you’re ready to live with the consequences. Feel like hanging from hooks or get whipped by a dominatrix? Go ahead, but be safe about it.
Once you begin on this path, you start to discover that practically everyone is capable of understanding the weird things that you do. In fact, it makes you interesting and worth paying attention to, further feeding into your plans of world domination, should you have any.
But none of this fun can happen without you recognizing, and walking past, the eye. Doing this is a powerful act of control which builds momentum and makes you strong.
Take back your self respect. Do it today– try it right now. Wear something ugly. Do something stupid. Tell someone the truth.
It doesn’t fucking matter.
Filed by Julien at 3:04 pm under guide, tips
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Good on you. Sometimes there isn’t a better way to say it.
Really good post. Sometimes I need a swift kick in the ass to remind my sorry ass what is really important to me in life. Living life afraid is no way to do business.
Peace!
“Once we’re in one (with family, a spouse, whatever), we promptly begin to take the other person for granted and move on to impressing strangers instead”
- I hadn’t thought of this before. But it’s spot on. And fucking ridiculous. In fact, entirely insane.
Good man.
I totally agree. It’s one of the main reasons my relationships suffer or I leave. I’ve called out my parents on this one and we have worked together to build a radically new relationship where we are mutually happy. Our significant others are supposed to be the most special people to us… taking them for granted and paying more attention to other insignificant people all the time is not really investing in what you deem important. We would all see improvements if we got this right. I was out with my bestfriend (since age 5) the other night and at one point, I looked at her and filled up with love for her inside. I know who is important to me. Spread the word!
Love this whole thread. I had what I call a really good new friend. We did everything together…I never texted, called, emailed exchanges so much in my life and one day she just stopped. Never heard one mention why….couldn’t imagine what I had done…..was driving me crazy…then I just realized…obviously, she wasn’t a real friend. (And I’m over 40 so new friends don’t come along everyday).
This happened to me too! These types of people are parasites and approval driven. As soon as things get tough, they disappear and run to their next victim. They’re like friendship nomads. I can now spot them early. Because they try to fasttrack the friendship. RED FLAG. Retreat quickly.
Not everyone is, you’re generalizing. Some people went through shit in their life and are very on guard. I’ve dealt with them before and it’s annoying but most of them are just very vulnerable or insecure.
Reminds me of the girl with the dragon tattoo trilogy the lead elizabeth was a strange character
Your words are like a perfect suit tailord for me. I often find myself satisfying strangers , arseholes, cads because i fear them or their opinion. Also I always worry whether I am proper well -beheved, submissive and stuff. Let.s face the truth =these are not the times to make pals with everyone. You should care for your loved one’s , friends, and people you consider important for you and particulary not exerting agression on them because some shithead pissed you off ( please do not censor internet is a free medium). Merry X-mass and a lot of happines in days that’ll come Peter
Julien,
As I read this I felt like a trap door had opened up behind my eyes and a tsunami of tears came through. Your posts often have that effect on me. I think it’s because they exhude universal truisms that not many people have the balls to share. Thank God you do.
You know that make you fall directly in that category of people who try to impress (or get good) with their “bosses” right ? :-)
Probably the crying part was a bit too much.
And the best part of commenting those posts? Well, I don’t have to give a fuck.
zoo= rat
While you may THINK she’s one of “those people”, you’re a different kind of “those people”. The people that are assholes to random strangers for no reason. Could be considered a “troll”
I agree with zoo. Being ‘affected’ by a blog that advises to do the precise opposite, to not give a fuck, demonstrates to me that Sandi missed the point entirely.
You might want to re-read the whole thing. It’s not about not giving a fuck about anything, it’s about not giving a fuck about what others might say and think, and even your inner “eye” for what’s socially acceptable.
From where I’m standing, you failed, not her. She was brave enough to expose herself without fear of people like you.
Yeah, I think you missed the point.
I think Sandi is the one who “won” here as Ash brought to surface. LOL Not giving a fuck about what people who don’t matter to her say or their opinion by not even responding. LOL She told you.
So you pretty much think she’s a kiss-ass because she praising Julien’s article, right? Well, let me say this: Julien’s article deserves praise. We all apparently appreciate the article, and I’m sure she (he?) appreciates the praise, but if sh(e) doesn’t give a fuck, well Sandi doesn’t have to either.
Every once in a while, just like yourself, we all gotta put something out there.
Fuck you for trying to argue about something that has absolutly no meaning to you or the world around you. Because someone expresses themselves you judge them eh? Quite childish by any means
This post aligns nicely with what I call “Killing Your Inner Critic.” Because really, at the end of the day, the only person standing in your way is you. It’s actually quite Stephen King-esque, wanting to kill that part of you…but you gotta kill it before it gets you first.
Good stuff.
I like that.
I stumbled on to this post today while browsing the internet with my innocent seven year old son sitting next to me. He said “Daddy, what does ‘Don’t give a Fuck’” mean? Needless to say, I was appalled …
Only fucking joking. Although I get that kind of thing all the time on my blog. Keep it up – the world needs more well respected potty mouths.
Jon
Loved it :-)
Yes! I just got done an epic email outlining why I will not step out of alignment with my nature just to make it comfortable to be around me. Sorry, my peace of mind is worth more than any relationship. If you can’t handle it, I’ll be sorry to see you go.
Thanks for being more clear and less personal, so I’ll be able to reuse this link over and over! :)
Love that “I will not step out of alighment with my nature just to make it comfortable to be around me” AWESOME!!!
This article was amazing. I’m glad I decided to follow you on twitter.
I’m going to try living my life this way
You already failed ;)
haha
I think you failed for giving a fuck that she failed.
Love the post. With one fist up in the air – “Right on man!”
Radman
Well said. Been working at it recently to not wrapped up by the angst of second-guessing the possible negative reactions of people. Interesting inverse relationship results: the less worrying about externalities beyond control, the more positive feedback and interactions with people, with whom meaningful connections are made. Cheers!
I like FACT #2.
One of may favorite sayings by a close friend is:
Not only do I not give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck about not giving a fuck.
I have always loved this saying.
You’ve been working towards this post for sometime, Julien. I really like the results.
One thing I found missing from your steps to getting back self respect is asking questions to clarify what you see or hear from the people with which you interact. You briefly mentioned, “no mind reading;” however, I wanted to to expand on that thought further.
You write like a well grounded pimp ninja.
Yeah, I don’t give a fuck about your blog today, and when I read it tomorrow, I won’t give a fuck either.
Also, the word “fuck” is fucking awesome, but I’m sure none of you give a fuck.
Life is good, Live it up!
Thank you for boiling down my entire life since early college. After a huge betrayl by some “close friends” I realized that sitting around in my apartment feeling depressed about it was a total waste of time. Instead I went to the foreign exchange office, signed up for a program overseas, took a job as a foreign nanny for a family of highly successful entrepreneurs and since that point have a lived an unpredictable, fun and authentic life.
Trying to read everyone’s minds is a huge waste of energy. Putting that same level of emphasis on learning to communicate and live with clarity and authenticity has far better results emotionally and materially.
As a woman entrepreneur I reteach myself this philosophy on a daily basis. Every time I start to feel on the outside with the bros the smart part of me says, “Dude, who gives a shit? They don’t want you in their clique (for WHATEVER reason) then form your own damn clique or just get on with the business of living.”
It’s so easy to get caught up in little resentments. Truth is though there are just as many positive and energizing things to notice and making the effort to train the mind toward the positive stuff leaves me feeling happy and upbeat most days.
I love your response, and aspire to do the same thing!
Yes. Very yes.
Good shit. You ever realize that people who don’t give a fuck tend to get more respect. If it’s in business, socially, or from the opposite sex. There is something appealing about it.
Very inspirational!
Since most people perceive the world from their heads (after all, four of our five senses are centered there) it’s hard to get out of that perspective.
But once we do, and realize that:
- most people don’t really give a damn about what we do
- of those that do, very few of their opinions should be taken seriously
… well, then, life becomes a blast, and much less serious, doesn’t it?
You are wrong. The cure is love.
Maybe “love” and “fuck” are both needed, like ying and yang. Both words mean a lot on many different levels, depending on what context they are being used for. Food for thought.
Love means caring for yourself. And sometimes that means not giving a fuck about something else so you have the strength to take care of yourself. See? Love can actually be not giving a fuck!
Wow, this one hit me straight in the gut…and these facts listed here put it all in perspective for me.
As was said in an earlier comment “Very yes.”
Minor quibble: LaPorte was Deputy/Vice Premier and Education Minister. Nonetheless, Trudeau was pretty damned bad ass.
Is there an easy way to get a printed version of The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck?? Thanks
Maybe just print it off from the web then tape each page to every single telegraph pole within a 5 mile radius. That way, everyone else can read it and no one will give a fuck that there probably isn’t an alternative printable version?
Just a thought :)
It’s good to learn that you are standing up for yourself and you’re helping others do the same. We can’t please everybody, and everybody can’t please us, so let’s not get all screwed up just because somebody doesn’t like the way we are. To being a strong person! :)
I respect your authenticity. It is rare in today’s world. People are instinctively drawn to those who are authentic, flaws included. Who cares about who can fake perfection the best?
It’s interesting to me that this article wouldn’t have the same impact without the f-bomb in it. There is a lot of power behind that word. I choose not to use it, but I’m fine with you using it. But even if I did judge you for it, you obviously wouldn’t give a f***. :-)
Here’s something cool not everyone realizes: the fact that you don’t care means you acknowledged you made a judgement. Maybe not on someone, but on a task or on an idea. Hell, judging actions and ideas is a hell of a lot safer than judging people, maybe that’s why I do it all the time. It’s also helped me not to judge people directly but indirectly and dig at them causing them to realize how honest they’re being with themselves.
Do I care if people like me…nah, have I allowed the “eye” to censor me…hell yes.
I have always come from a place of no bullshit and on occasions has worked against me. You learn quickly…must tone that down.
Then the point comes when you say…Sod that for a game of soldiers…time to grow a set and become who I am…inside, under the layers of conditioning.
Thanks for reminding me that underneath it all, really, I don’t give a fuck!
I think you could have displayed ultimate not-giving-a-fuck-ness by not publishing this. Instead, you’ve proven your still-give-a-fuck-itute by uploading this.
This applies to step 3 of being fucking awesome, not step one.
Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, “What the fuck.” “What the fuck” gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Pe4ZuzR5gQ
(p.s. really ugly blog dude.)
Good post.
Mario: love who you love, don’t give a fuck about people who don’t give a fuck about you. Simple.
Excellent :)
I found giving up fear and focusing on where I could make a difference with my community, big and small, gives me the most satisfaction. The trip wire for me was when someone said “Don’t do that, they won’t appreciate it.” And then I figured out, in that moment, if i lived my life and made choices based on what other people would appreciate or get out of an experience, other than what I wanted to do, I would be spending the rest of my life in the people-pleasing sidelines rather than getting in the game. And then I changed.
Sometimes we need that karmic kick to the head to see that we’ve been trapped by fear or by what we perceive as important, and then realize the only thing holding us back is ourselves. It’s humbling and a bit embarrassing to realize that, but it has to happen to make any change.
So true!
Have you ever read the book “Fuck It – The Ultimate Spiritual Way”? It’s favourite of mine.
I don’t know how I landed here at this post – I’m a middle-aged recovering alcoholic from Australia, and I’ve just related and bravo’ed to every point you’ve written.
I love the fucken internet.
Julien,
I felt this one on my nerve-endings—thank you for that. Looking forward to sharing this with quite a few people this week.
The video did play for me though (think it’s a Canada/US availability thing).
Joshua Millburn
Thank you for that.
Hey Julien,
ive got 3 years of experience with the vibrams, and just recently blogged about my experience with those shoes.
Its amazing and scary how people react to them.
i seriously got insulted by a man wearing the shoes one day. he shouted at me: “just got some real shoes you idiot!”
i was perplexed about that.
now i just dont give a fuck.
smiling & laughing.
And thanks again for the words, your blog rocks.
Gotta say, I’m kind of upset no one has commented on the best phrase in this entire post… that is to say, “techno-clown outfit.”
I noticed how emotional people get about them. I got surrounded by like 5 old people the other day and they wouldn’t let me go until they knew how to get some!
All I can say is – THANK YOU. What a great post, and some great words to live by :-)
Great post, but easier said than done. Caring can also make you good at what you do.
C
I particularly like fact 3 because I feel people do this to me all the time. I can only honestly list one friend/loved one who hasn’t.
I’ve been trying to live this way since second grade when I was suicidal because I was so horribly teased. The only thing that stopped me was a boy in my class asking me why I cared what my bullies thought…and I didn’t have an answer. To see how I’ve tried to live put down in words is somehow liberating.
Telling the truth is probably my favorite step on here because it is so easy to lie, not jit to others, but to yourself. That, I believe, is where most peoples’ issues start; they believe the things (like “Everyone hates me”) that they tell themselves and it’s just a downward spiral of devaluing themselves.
Fantastic, and true. However, it preaches to the kind of person who on some level actually believes they’re capable. Some of us are just hopeless, self-loathing pussies. Great sentiment, though. :)
Brilliant. I love it.
I talk about this fact:
“FACT NUMBER 1. People are judging you right now.”
with public speaking clients all the time. Yep – you’re being judged. All you can do is be totally intentional about what you put out there – the content, the energy, the world changing message. The rest is out of your hands. It’s Freedom, really.
Not sure what rabbithole led me to you, but you have an incredible blog here.
Smart posts, full of funny, sophisticated jokes.
Am subscribing now.
No time wasted here at all. I Really laughed out loud at this post. And your one star review post about Amazon.
Why the fuck can I not watch this video of the then-yummy Trudeau telling that guy off? I’m sure you don’t give a fuck.
I feel like tackling a politician right now. :)
Fuck yeah!
Love it. Love, love, love it.
Subscribed. Way to be real.
Some good stuff in here. I’m going to try to be more conscious of putting the most important people in my life “on the backburner” while getting acquainted with strangers, as it’s nonsensical. Thanks for posting this!
Haha When you mentioned the eye, I couldn’t help but think of the eye of sauron that haunts frodo in lord of the rings.
I subscribe to this religion, and attend daily services at the Westside Church of Not Giving A Fuck
i. want. that. photo. it needs to be a poster on my office wall.
oh, and great article too. :)
I think I am in love with you after this post.
Julien, you’re a hoot. I, on the other hand, am on the verge of being an old coot. Only wish I’d realized as much as you have when I was your age.
Fucking genius!
Hey Julien,
This is an inspiring post. Everything you wrote about is what I need to do. Keep up the great work.
-Roger
It took me being widowed to really “get” this. Spot on man, spot on!
Mmmm…. world domination.
You are rockin, and I so need to do all of this!! This was right on time!
Great for you for getting it so “early” in life! I think we are born this way as children and we forget and start to worry about what everyone else thinks more than what we care about. I’ve been through a process in the last year that’s made me realize this and will all respect to others I can not give a fuck about them but still be a kind and compassionate person. Cheers!
Yeah, you can be caring without being co-dependent. Some people will try to get you into their little game of guilt trips- but they are just manipulators preying on your public image. They put you in a position where you will look heartless if you don’t play the role they’ve picked for you. It is crucial not to give a fuck in such situations, but takes conviction and strength to see through it and continue on your not-giving-a-fuck mission. It’s all about being authentic and being yourself and has nothing to do with not caring about other people. It’s not healthy to care about the manipulators of the world anyway. When you are being authentic, you care about the things and people who are important to you, so you give a fuck about them… but when you don’t give a fuck, you are free to choose who you truly care about. Some people won’t like this… but who gives a fuck? ha ha
I love it! So many people are like that without realizing it. Damn succubi…
Bottom line: show your ego the door, and maybe even drop a banana peel just outside so you can watch it slip and fall down the stairs, if you have any stairs, that is!
Nicely written, Julien.
Peter
The background on this post made it so fucking hard to read I couldn’t really give a fuck enough to squint and read it, but i’m sure it was fucking great.
I love Karen and like Julien. I don’t like unnecessary use of swearing in social media. That being said, “The Flinch” for free on my Kindle/Droid phone is fucking awesome!
I only have one word for this:
Awesome.
Thank you.
I love FiveFingers!
Nothing gives me the heebie jeebies more than grown-ups who say “the F word.”
I’ve grown accustomed to writing off the opinions of half the folks I encounter because they tend to assume a lot based on appearances or vernacular. Actions mean more.
Huh. Food for thought. Although some other posts which talk about accepting blame and forgive others and forgive yourself and move on with knowledge that whatever pain you had was good because it got you here, stuff, has had only limited appeal to me. Your post, made me stop and think and not feel guilty or oppressed. In the grand scheme of things, your post helped to reveal that the feelings of some people are simply of no consequence, not really, not unless I make them so. huh It’s still one of those — easier said than done situations, but — all in all, a moving post.
Bang. On the mark.
Brilliant!
I’m gonna remember this next time I get another horrified look as I tell someone I’m leaving my job in a month to follow my bliss. Who cares if they get it or not?
my fave weird thing to wear is my paisley Birki’s with blue polka dot socks. They make me feel like I’m dancing a jig even when I’m sitting still. Bliss!
18/40/60 Rule
When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you 40, you don’t give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.
I wish there were other words to describe laughter instead of Ha! Ha! otherwise I would have used one of them. Ha! Ha! doesn’t quite do justice to the good laugh I had reading your comment. Quite true though…quite true.
Very wise words, so true!
I really love this post, because it is something I am struggling with. I think people are too worried about what people think, which can cause them to not be their authentic self. Thanks for the advice. If I may, I have to correct one error: Everyone has an internetal eye. It always watching.*It’s always watching? For someone who has had trouble with spelling errors in my blogs, I feel wildly inappropriate correcting the great Julien. You have been a great inspiration to me, and have helped me through my social media class. Thanks for being REAL.
perfect timing. I’ll keep ya updated…
This could have not come at a better time for me. This has been bookmarked for when I need a reminder to stop giving a fuck about people who aren’t worth giving a fuck about.
Fucking inspiring.
At last, when you don’t give a fuck, you have permission to say so.
Thanks to all.
GG
Stoked to see you liberated from the need for approval from others! I’m grateful for coming to the same realization, but wish it happened sooner than my 32nd birthday. Definitely going to be helping my kids not suffer from this bizarre behavior.
I really appreciate your use of socially unacceptable language in your posts and public content. Everyone thinks it anyway. Might as well let down the mask.
I have been having a bad couple months where my self-respect and confidence had hit ground level. I knew what I had to do to fix things but sometimes you tend to ignore it and you need someone else to say it to you.
This post definitely did it. Thanks for brightening up my day and for shaking me up!!!
wow. I have not (yet always do somehow) thought about 1970 for a long time, Julien. The only time in my life that I ever saw my father weep deep, wracking sobs was when the report came about Premier Laporte’s murder. My parents survived WW2 in Holland and came to Canada. To Montreal. The FLQ cut so close to what they had known and had lived. I remember the bombs – the news. It was terrifying. As a little kid more so, because my parents were terrified.
‘Just watch me’ forever instilled in me a deep respect for that man.
But I digress.
My comment is about “you will be dissuaded into living a life you aren’t interested in” because you’re living someone (or noone) else’s.
Thank you, again, for you candor and your soul :-)
peace
Good shit homes.
Some good shit.
Word..
ENDB..//
Not giving a fuck is so liberating:))
Fuck this. What a pile of bullshit. And check out the ludicrous number of sycophantic posts this drivel has pulled. Bah!
Of COURSE you need to give a fuck. Or at least seem to. People WANT you to agree with them. It’s what makes them feel listened to and happy.
The real trick to getting ahead and getting what you want is to not give a fuck, WHILE LOOKING LIKE YOU’RE GIVING THE MOST IMMENSE FUCK IMAGINABLE. (Check out Bill Clinton, for example.)
Now how to go about doing that would be the most interesting post imaginable. The one you’ve written here is simply how to be a normal and well-adjusted human being.
For a people pleaser like me, this is manna from heaven. How great would it be to step up to confrontation, rather than avoid it just to steady the boat. Inside ,rage, outside, a tight little smile. So not cool.
You rock, dude.
So, at the risk of a barrage of f-bombs, I just have to ask about the profanity thing.
You are obviously a very sharp guy. I really like Trust Agents and much of the stuff you write about on this blog. I’m sure its no surprise to you that many are put off by the profanity, and I’m pretty sure your response to them is not just to “F off,” Or, maybe it is – I’m genuinely curious.
What up?
Mark,
You can look at the whole interview with Jonathan Fields if you want the whole story, but the reason I use swear words is the same reason that other people choose not to. It is a decision based on what kind of impact it will have on people. Everyone is deciding all the time what kind of language they want to use to measure the effect their words will have. I use the word to help me leave an impact with what I say.
That also means I’m alienating a few people, but that’s more than compensated for by the visibility the use of the word creates. Those who are offended will generally be quite demure (or silent) about it, so I barely hear about them.
In the words of the great Liza Minelli, “BALLS TO YOU!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BoDFAOhbbQ
BALLS TO YOU! in context (possibly even better): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OCqk3AAcVg
The whole “not giving a fuck” thing reminds me a lot of The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. One of the 4 agreements is: Don’t take things personally. It is one I have been able to adopt into my life, and I find life is much less complicated as a result. Perhaps now I will work on caring less what others think of me…still a hard one for me to cope with!
Liz, it’s funny you should mention that. I’ve never read anything by him but I came across that exact set of principles, while writing this, on Reddit. I thought they were amazing. They may have influenced how I thought about this post.
Wonderful post mate!
Over and over, throughout the years I have heard people say how they wish they could be a fly on the wall listening to what people say/think about them.
If you are an A-hole they will say you’re an A-hole. But most people are NOT A-holes, most people (when you get to know them long enough) are quirky.
Seems to me that whatever your quirks are, that’s what people are likely to talk about…Quirks are what make people interesting, so I hope I develop even more of them as I get older…
And when I do…Let them talk about my quirks….S’all good and who gives a crap anyway.
funny thought 1 ;
what if our ‘leaders’ start following ‘FUCK THE WORLD’ theory ! ;)
imagine , George W Bush addressing Obama as ‘fucked up shit! for he is doing nothing better then him ‘ in front of the whole world (though media of course;))
funny thought 2 ;
what if prisoners start proving themselves innocent by explaining the theory of ‘inner eye’ ;)
goes like this,
prisoner: ” i theft though my inner eye kept on telling ‘no’ but I DON’T GIVE A fuck! (told the truth ;)) ”
what if students like me stand up in the middle of a boring class only to tell the teacher that the class SUCKS! (though my inner eye is telling me not to ;))
ha! world will become such a better place for living!;)
chucking many more thoughts, this is just to tell you that the article of yours is very inspiring sir.
a friend of mine posted your blog in his blog (http://observerzparadise.blogspot.com/2011/04/complete-guide-to-not-giving-fuck.html)
you should go read this blog. it is good :)
and you are awesome! ;)
You have a new fan. Lord, I wish this was written about 30 years ago, so I could’ve read it while in the process of becoming an adult. I’m usually at the other end of the spectrum, wearing my unlimited variety of masks to “fit the situation” and quite honestly, I’m tired of it. I shared this on my FB, so I’m sure you’ll be getting a lot more new fans as well. Bravo!
Wow, that was a really fun read. And one I’m sure can apply to so many people’s lives and situations. Thank you for the step by step guide! I’ll be sure to share with all the aspiring artists and entrepreneurs in my circle.
Julien,
Not giving a shit is the only way to get ahead but it’s more than an attitude it’s a frame of mind, a belief in what you are doing and why you are doing it. This article will resonate with anyone that has a passion for what they do. I know passion is this bull shit over used word that is so fashionable lately but it really is that simple. Do what you think is right, have respect for others, take advise where necessary but let the passion drive you, not what others may or may not think of you based on your actions.
All the best
Thanks
Sean
Oh wow, I’m glad that I only read the headlines because all of this doesn’t seem to go beyond the scope of how you should act when independently employing some sanity and reason.
Damn you and your tweets, Daniel Lau, for tricking me into wasting 2 minutes of my life!
But yeah, good for you and the people who need to be told stuff like that, Julien. Have fun with your “new life”, I guess.
BALLZ to The Four Agreements – This is my new mantra!!
Agreed blog writer man. If I may be so bold (hey, fuck what you think anyway (; ) I would like to add a thought to your post… My tea bag told me today to “Appreciate yourself and honor your soul” – which seems to ring true with this post. I think what all of this really boils down to is all about genuine authenticity and building your relationship with yourself.
It is OK to “give a fuck” about what others think, but you cannot let that concern grow greater than what you think of yourself. At the end of the day, we will all die alone and the thoughts that comfort us the most will be ones of following your passion and being true to yourself (the man in the mirror poem). From the comments it is obvious that most people can relate to the bitter taste left in your mouth from downplaying your own wants and needs to accommodate for what you think society wants from you.
The world shines through us when we just be ourselves. We are creators and this life is our canvas. Do you want to paint a unique Picasso or a common convenience store post card?
In closing, I think it is thought provoking to write about “not giving a fuck” but that is not the true end goal. The true end goal is to be authentic to yourself and let the grandest vision of the best thought about who you are, manifest in this world and become a shining beacon of truth and inspiration to the world. It is possible to “not give a fuck” and still be a jack-ass. But if you are 100% honest with yourself (sometimes we have blind-spots and this requires input from others to see the big picture) and take action on the direction that comes from within from that genuine state of mind, then your feet will find the path to satisfaction in this life. Cheers!
“when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens.” you’ve never lived in my neighbourhood, when people hate you they beat you up.
(Why does it say 92 responses when I only see 43?)
Good stuff overall, Julian, but to be honest it could be somewhat summarized as “31-year-old discovers being Punk Rock, film at 11.”
If you ever want to discover what it’s like to be invisible and that no one cares, just ride Tokyo’s trains & subways. You’ll become The Invisible Man and it’s somewhat unnerving, in a way. They are masters of Don’t Give A Fuck.
Finally, re:
“Once you begin on this path, you start to discover that practically everyone is capable of understanding the weird things that you do. In fact, it makes you interesting and worth paying attention to [...]”
That actually made me think of something Punk Rock that is, to some degree, completely in opposition:
“It seems to me like the dividing line, kinda, between being a kid and being an adult is that when you are a kid, you want to impose yourself on the world and change the world to be like you, and be congratulated for being yourself.
The other side of that line is you realize that the world itself is interesting, and you should take a look, instead of wanting it to pay attention at you.”
- Richard Hell (Epilogue, in the extras of “The Filth And The Fury” DVD)
Something you might like to edit: Pierre Laporte wasn’t Premier; he was Minister of Labour. Apparently he was also Vice-Premier but I don’t remember such a thing; I don’t think it was considered all that important (same today), and I believe it was his Labour cabinet post that made him the target. (BTW I was living in Montréal at that time, and once got woken up by an FLQ bomb that went off a few blocks away.)
Brilliant! Honestly, I do all of these steps in some manner already. I’m one of those people who live with the filter off. I usually just try to be a smartass, but I get alot of strange looks due to this. After a while people just accept what I have to say. lol. Truthfully, I dont give a crap what people think of say about me. This article was well written, and made me realize that I really don’t give a fuck!
Kudos!
Awesome post!!
Truly inspiring… keep it up.
Nice article, well done. Congratulations on your new found attitude, however harshly aspired it may be. More than anything else, thank you for mentioniong ‘The Long Walk’, my number one favourite novel written by Richard Bachman aka Stephen King; never have I seen it mentioned before, and with all the lack of creativity in Hollywood, I can only hope one day it gets made into a movie, as long as it’s not directed by Uwe Boll. It can be downloaded from a lot of free ebook websites as a PDF, and I hope many of you read it, as I truely believe there is a ‘Ray Garraty’ in all of us. Enjoy it my friends, and to Julien, like Ray the protagonist in the novel, continue with your attitude and behaviour, even when the ‘walk’ is over. It will serve you better than it does him. You’ll understand this when you finish reading it. Also remember this last little peice of advice; Most people equate silence with wisdom, and stillness with depth … :)
I think I hate you just a little bit because you’ve written what I have been thinking and trying to apply for a while…I guess I was afraid of what people might think…ooh that sucks..
I think Dr. Seuss would like this post :)
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Unfortunately, actually stopping giving a fuck is harder than just telling yourself you’re not going to give a fuck anymore. I just hate everyone instead of caring, but that’s the opposite of what i’m supposed to do. I feel like trying to care about people or be nice to strangers would make me feel like a fool. Oh well
Thank you for this. I’ve wasted way too much time worrying about other people judging me.
I would have enjoyed your comments and taken them to heart but halfway through I realized I don’t give a fuck!!!!!
How can I be sure that my not giving a f*ck isn’t about making others think I don’t give a f*ck?
Then you are not really giving a fuck are you ??
This is the first blog post of yours I’ve read. Me? Subscribed.
Yeah makes sense, don’t walk like you own the world, walk like you don’t give a shit who does. Talk like you own the Company you work for, talk like you drive a Ferrari, talk like you have a ten inch dick, people will look up to you. What people think of me I don’t give a F**k.
Now whether you publish this comment or others don’t like it, I DON’T GIVE A F**K.
You know, this all-seeing, all-knowing “eye” you refer to was known by Freud as the “Super-Ego” and it has more power than you think… just my two cents :-)
except it only has as much power as you give it.
i love this article
LOVE IT.
Ive been doing this since I was about 5 :D its a great lifsyle. I actually took after eminem and what he says in his music.
There is also a positive side of offending people – it keeps assholes away. I recall a number of people that I’ve gone out of my way to offend. I consider it a defensive weapon against those I find offensive.
Brilliant post! For too long I gave a fuck about what EVERYONE thought, but not any more!! :)
THIS IS GIVING A FLYING F..CK
http://www.youtube.com/user/stanley03061973
“I feel like trying to care about people or be nice to strangers would make me feel like a fool.”
I’ve helped complete strangers several times, and I always feel good about it. Always. But I wish there was a way to teach me to stop giving a fu*k about all those idiots I end up driving behind… You know, all those fools driving 10-15km below the speedlimit, and when they are at a intersection, they ALWAYS wait extra long. There were three-four times they could have pressed down on that right foot, but nooooo. And when they FINALLY do drive, their car will need at least half a mile before they are driving at… 10-15 km/h below the speed limit. AAARGH! Why do I care? Why not give up, drive back home and drink myself into a stupor? ;)
amazing the people who subscribe to this and still will not enter the complete word FUCK!
FUCK!!!!!
Absolutely the dogs bollocks. It is all mind over matter. Those that mind don’t matter, those that matter don’t mind.
Excellent article – one that I totally agree with. We need to stop worrying about what people think, learn to get over the way boundaries that have been socially ingrained into our thinking and allow ourselves to express how we feel.
j’aime ca!
I had a revelation my freshman year in college that I was taking myself too seriously and wasn’t having any fun. I vowed then to stop being prisoner to the fear that takes and to give myself full permission to be silly. It was, as you could probably figure out, life changing. I like to remind people to not only stop caring what other people think; stop being so damn critical of yourself, too. Not fearing foolishness is liberating.
History note – Pierre Laporte wasn’t the Premier of Quebec, he was the deputy premier and minister of labour. Robert Bourassa was the premier at the time.
Great advice, of course, as usual.
Can’t say that I agree.
I read it and I keep hearing “you have permission to be an asshole.”
My worldview has long been this: there are two kinds of people, assholes and non-assholes. I choose not to spend my attention on the former.
When I’m standing in line with my 9 year-old and my 5 year-old, and the people around us take the “fuck it” approach, I’m going to use any language I like, and I don’t care if it offends someone. Well. That offends me. Does this somehow improve their life? Perhaps, but I doubt it. Does it make my life worse? Without question.
Just like skinning the cat,there are many routes to positive accomplishment without acting like a narcissistic, self-absorbed asshat. Treating those around us with respect and dignity, even when they don’t deserve it, should be revered, rewarded, and emulated. It’s called the “Golden” rule for a reason.
I never understood it when my parents did it, and I don’t understand it now… do you think that controlling the airspace around your kid is going to stop him from ever hearing the world ‘Fuck’ in his whole life? If that’s not the aim, then what is? To retard his intellectual growth by making him think that the world is Sesame Street? That’s going to stand him in BAD stead. (I hardly ever swore until I started working at an economic modelling think tank – I was corrupted by the smartest men you’ll ever meet – and it was intensely liberating).
There is some shit that invades people’s brains when the reproduce, and turns it into mush.
If I ever decided to reproduce I would hope to teach my kid that war is wrong, that politicians are not to be trusted… and that those two things matter FAR more – a thousand times more – than whether or not someone drops the f-bomb.
Another thing to remind your kids if someone swears near you: it’s impolite to listen to conversations if you’re not invited. In civilised society we call it fucking eavesdropping.
I think you stuck on the word fuck. He’s not talking about going around and saying fuck in a daycare. He’s telling people that there is no reason not to live your life freely.
AMEN to this post and you for posting it. THANK YOU, also is in order. I think you just gave me the strength to go make the changes I NEED to make but have been too fucking scared to do.
And I like profanity. It provides a stronger sense of urgency… or something. ;)
I love everything you had to say and implement most of it in my daily life however … I also live in America and the particular area where I live, a lot of the members of my community openly wear weapons … it’s currently early summer here in 2011 as I write this and tensions are getting worse … especially among violent and non-violent people, though I still continue to practice being an individual. I am always keeping an eye over my shoulder now to see who might physically attack me next (it’s happened once already). How does one defend against being attacked and maintain one’s individuality? Those of us who are tried and true individuals are being singled out for community censorship and it would seem, the singled out is by any means necessary … fear
Hi Julien,
I definitely agree that it is liberating to live our life without being ruled by what we imagine others might think.
Yet I have issues with some of the points you raised.
- What you call ‘the eye’. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad think to sometimes filter our thoughts before expressing them!! In a sense it can be the ‘voice of wisdom’ guiding us or some kind of higher awareness. But what you mention here sounds more like a inner critic or inner censorship. So I think there’s a nuance between different kinds of eyes/inner voices.
- About the F word (which seems to be an issue for many btw). I to sometimes use coarse language. But my current quest is how to have IMPACT without using such words. I admire people like Hiro Boga who can stir strong emotions in people with style and elegance. I’m ok with hearing the F word but sometimes I think it is overused just for the sake of it!! (like in the TV show ‘Six Feet Under’ where every other word was F***)
While I don’t always agree with what you write I have a lot respect for you and your writing. ;)
Thanks again for a well-written and thought-provoking post.
Bahieh K.
I’ve been reading your stuff since my Husband died suddenly in Jan this year, he was a big fan of your writings but i was always too busy, i have started to do the things you talk about in this article, sorting the wheat from the chaff as it were, it’s very scary but it’s also quite liberating, i have rid myself of those not worthy of mine or my Husbands time or effort – thank you for giving me the help i needed to deal with the shit of greiving and that it is ok to tell people the truth and if they don’t like it well tough!
Not giving a fuck is a ‘skill’ and a conscious choice I have been working on for years. How difficult this proves to be depends on how dependant people are on others opinions for the ‘self-worth’ I guess. I think I’ve almost got this sucker nailed and it’s so refreshing to read an honest, direct (and humorous) ‘take’ on it. If you don’t like my comment my care factor is zero! *wink
… and then I started giving a fuck about not giving a fuck, and I pissed my pants.
Geoff Schaadt,
I think I liked your comment better than I liked the post! Not caring is my natural bent – its easy. Its harder to care, and it also happens to improve things. Farting in elevators comes to mind…
I can say with absolutely certainty would win this joke of a Canadian election if Mr. Trudeau was still with us. And to your point about being an ass, no one, ever, has the right to do that. It’s funny how you stop caring so much when you realize the number one priority in most people’s lives is themselves. That’s not cynical, that’s behavioral. Treat your people well and stop trying to hope everyone will like you or you will end up like Michael Scott.
I would say – great post – but you don’t care. ;-)
If you’re hung up on others knowing you dont give a F*, then you probably still care too much about what others think.
This is a great post. I used to be obsessed with needing everyone to like me. Then halfway through college, some people I thought were close friends decided to screw me over by spreading really nasty rumors about me. I’d been so eager to be everything to everyone that nobody really knew who *I* was… so of course nobody realized that the rumors weren’t true. I had, um, one friend left after that.
Since then I’ve learned that if I just do what I think is right and makes sense for me, and don’t worry so much about being perfect for everyone else, maybe I have fewer friends, but they’re *real* friends, whom I can actually count on to have my back. I still get insecure on occasion, but I’m a lot more confident and life is so much easier now. I should really thank those asshole ex-”friends” who taught me that lesson the hard way.
Hooray. Welcome to the realizations that pretty much everyone over the age of 35 has already figured out.
Reading suggestion to be prepared for the other realizations that will come: Roger’s Rules for Aging – a little article / excerpt here:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,54448,00.html
I am so glad someone finally said something like this. I’ve got a potty mouth and am in-your-face about anything and everything going on in my life. I’ve often wondered if my behavior is appropriate or not, but have pressed on determined to be me at all cost.
I am so glad that someone had the nerve to say it’s okay to fucking do whatever the hell it is I want! Thanks
Should I give a f**k or not that uploader had not made this video available in my country (do i still live in US or am I back in USSR?)
I’ve been an Atheist for most of my 72 years. I don’t give a fuck about god or anyone paying him/her homage. This, to me, is the ultimate ‘I don’t give a fuck.’ I don’t even argue about it any more. We’ll all return, at death, to where we were before birth…nowhere, zilch, absolute zero. I identified the control freaks (i.e. religious types & their ilk) peddling their wares since I was a kid & they know that I know their game.
I already did…what next?
I’ve been an Atheist for most of my 72 yrs…Do I give a fuck about what other people think, shit no.
The pie in the sky is way too high…Heaven, hell? The myth about Santa Claus & the Tooth Fairy are more believable. I going to where I was before birth: nowhere, zip…
um. Fuck..Yeah.
You may want to check in with other folks who’ve walked the Camino in the vibram five-fingers to see if they’re really adequate… I walked the Via de la Plata and part of the Route d’Arles, the latter which was filled with tiny, sole-ripping jagged stones; I had nice thick-soled sneakers and yet wished wished wished I had boots! Pretty torturous. So, just something to think about. (Admitting I have never worn the 5-fingers, so they may be perfect!)
Thank God, I’ve been living like this for years now. Seems I’m not as dumb as I always thought, but nice to see it so nicely summed up :-)
Re.fresh.ing.
Self-help guru bullshit.
“when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens.”
Er, that’s just not true. They gossip about you, stab you in the back, make your life more difficult. Ten years later you find you are barred from something you’ve been working for for so long because you find that someone who doesn’t like you has taken that moment to exact their petty revenge.
It is simply not safe to let people not like you.
Doloras – I think he’s just talking about ‘normal’ versions of not liking. If it degenerates into psycho stalky-ness, then you need to take action.
I speak from personal experience here: a personal beef with a 5’5″ Frenchman led to all manner of accusations being levelled at me (and The Lovely) in 2007/8 which hurt our reputation, short-term.
At the end of the day you make a decision: if some jackass is prepared to believe random whit they read on the internet (or from a cold-call e-mail) your life is probably better off without them. So The Lovely is back working too many hours as a lawyer (tonight she is in Parliament listening to the debate session of a bill her team wrote), and I am on the cusp of finishing the deal that was hijacked by the defamatory (and frankly only quasi-literate) horse-shit.
I never even demanded that it be unpublished: I don’t give a fuck about the opinion of anyone who believes what they read about me on the internet.
I have given – and continue to give – due consideration to paying someone to put a hurtin’ on the aforementioned Frenchman (such services are amazingly inexpensive if the target is in LA; $500 gets him beaten unconscious three times in a month, $1500 gets him dead), but my intrinsic sweet nature prevents it.
Plus, The Lovely would never forgive me. About her, I give a fuck.
Neither do I, and I am much better for it. I’ve never been so busy apparently and things are moving forward at blistering pace.
BTW, I am due for a new haircut.
Go ahead, keep cursing, keep telling yourself you don’t care. But the truth of the matter is the following: that hate and profanity are tools of the powerless.
Julian,
Some years ago I realised that the nagging feeling I had carried with me all me life, a cloud, was defensiveness. I lived in that cloud of defensiveness. Defensiveness bled into everything. Since I became aware of that, being assertive has become so much easier.
(Interesting to stumble this post. Had coffee with a friend this morning and we were discussing people being slaves to the opinions of others. We didn’t exclude ourselves from this but were happy we had made some progress getting past the slavery.)
All the best to you
Every time I see an article like this, I can’t help but wonder why Buddhist meditation practices aren’t mentioned. For as long as they’ve been around (2500 years), they’ve offered people practical tools to work with their minds – far more effective than mere advice. Meditation works directly with such common afflictions like difficult emotions, self-defeating thought patterns, perceptions; basically, any kind of mental suffering that a person of full faculties (Most people reading this) can experience, can be thoroughly and permanently alleviated through Buddhist meditation.
Good read..
I hate your blog background but I know you don’t give a shit now…
Glad to see a good post like this, I saw the light a while ago and never looked back, I can tell you that you will find out in a hurry who your true friends are and they will love you for it.
BTW, Here is something you should include in the post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9HRLvfbauA
PS: Seriously, your blog background hurts my eyes, you should just make it a solid color background… were you drunk or high when you chose it?
TheRafMan
Excelent article. This kind of person is also like Nietzsche’s “Superman”: since I read about it I have always wanted to get there, but for differents reasons I could not. Today I tell you that I will shut the fuck up my eye one way or another.
My congratulations for your article from Argentina! ;)
awesome!!!
oh, I need to read this daily with my morning coffee while listening to ceelo’s “FUCK YOU”…awesome!
fucking yes. i needed some advice like this, thankyou so much!
Wow, this post is very powerful, speaks to me on many different levels. Love it, love it, fuckin love it! I never read anything so provacative like this. If a politician said this, they would have a good chance of becoming president, because the people can relate to this!
i like it , everything u said is so true. i will like to learn how to ignore people more , i find this very difficult
Excellents words men, also very true and conforting article, its really helping me to understand things better, you should write some more, thanks
Great blog/guide/article
The essential step is the last one – pressing the reboot key.
Control-Alt-Delete your life!
Nice,i like how you named our self-controled,rational thought ‘the eye’.I hate this ‘the eye’,and i want it out of me.
What’s your path !
Thank you.
That’s the dude’s *Lebowski* way of living, MAN ! :)
I’ve just cracked another piece of my own puzzle to true freedom by reading your well written text. “Be nice” is what I’ve heard all my life, I wasn’t aware that I wasn’t nice to begin with!!! Damn ‘Eye’, great visual btw! Thank you, very inspiring! Keep telling your truth, it does have a positive impact!:)
Great article! Thank you.
“Once we’re in one (with family, a spouse, whatever), we promptly begin to take the other person for granted and move on to impressing strangers instead”
This has actually never happened to me.
I have never wanted to impress people or taken them for granted…
Thank u for this! This is spot on how I been feeling!
Cant tell you how much this post has helped.
It seems that every time i read this i learn something new.
I love all your posts btw!
Thanks
great self analysis! focus should be the steps towards fixing this EYE. steps that would help regain that long gone buried, blurred perception as i’m in me mid 30′s already. Need to do some more similar deliberate actions like the ones you mentioned in your post ” Wear something ugly. Do something stupid. Tell someone the truth “
I am inspired to go get whipped by a dominatrix.
See, I hear a lot about this “Not Giving a Fuck” mentality, and while it sounds great I just can’t put it into practice for one simple reason.
It makes me suicidally depressed. I don’t know why (well I do, but that’s out of the scope of this comment) but this kind of mentality just causes me to become overcome with depression and apathy.
So to anyone else reading this who has a similar feelings: That’s alright and there is nothing wrong with caring about things. It’s alright to care about people and some things in life are worth giving a fuck about.
Compassion and caring are separate from expecting things in return (like approval or reciprocation). If you can be strong enough to be good to others while not letting their failings affect you negatively, the better off you are mentally and emotionally.
Thanks bro, good read for sure. This approach would benefit so many.
I m a hero………….
FUCKING GENIUS
I came across your post through a keyboard mash-up heading to another site. Bloody lovely post brother!
Fell out of bed feeling down. This has brgheitned my day!
some poigant truthful and important messages, glad to have read it, but I only read this coz I have an exam coming up and I’m avioding study! As much as I’d love to not give a F***… near impossible. But I genuinely will try. Love the bit about mind reading. When it comes to that I’m bloody telepathic.
I’m in my mid-60′s. My mom used to say, “Don’t worry about what everyone else is thinking. They’re not paying any attention to you anyway.” This can be heard 2 ways – it doesn’t fuckin’ matter, or omigod, nooobody luvs me. I choose WFE-say “wiffy”- (What Fuckin Ever), either way. I don’t even know how I got to this blog, but it could save folks lots of money on counselors and psychologists! I laugh everytime I look at it.
Thanks!
Thanks
TL;DR
by the way, your floating menu is kind of annoying, just saying.
lots of people seem to give a fuck about not giving a fuck :F
lol, “I looked fucking ridiculous”. I went to Easter last year dressed as a festive egg and it was absurd…but felt great
I agree 100%. I have found that not giving a fuck makes others around you resentful and trying to drag you into their own misery. Still, that’s better than giving a fuck.
This paragraph would suggest giving a fuck.
If you dismiss the things that do not matter; if you remove those things from your mind and focus on what must be done; if you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; only then will you be able to get to the finish line. Otherwise, you will be dissuaded into living a life you aren’t interested in.
Great points cool blog!
Its interesting how we all interpritate “Not Giving A Fuck” to mean. Its can of worms. For me its about being Real & True to oneself.As an example waiting in line for tickets and someone bumps the cue who happens to be huge tower of a guy.And no one says anything to him. I refuse to stand by idly and say nothing. Now he may not give a fuck about us.But my principals wont allow me to stand by and say nothing. So I very loudly challenged him verbally that “just because he’s big doesnt give you the fucking right to insult all us by jumping the cue”! Honestly I was expecting to get thumped being small guy.But I had to get it off my chest either way.He actually left funnily enough.
I have always used the phrase “If people worried about their own problems, they would not have time to worry about mine.” Now i have a new notion (thank you, for the insight, might i add) “i dont give a FUCK, thank you very much!!” hell yeah, i already feal good and ive only been practicing in the mirror, LMFOA!!!~!~!~
nice….well put and simple to understand for beginners.i never gave a fuck… but i went over bored.And didnt care about family,myself.life,right and wrong,Purpose.And created my own little hell.Im on my way out of there now.I love my family and will kill anyone who hurts them.I love myself my life and this world.YOU NEED PURPOSE ONCE YOUR GROWN!!! Or you will be nothing till death.Remember the most hateful humans in the world use good as a tool to blind you and there doing a really good job of it.They will turn you into a soulless useless shell.look in your heart you will find it..what makes you a miracle.
Thanks for the inspiration . I just posted this on facebook fan page>>
http://www.facebook.com/FreeleeV
How many of us really tell the truth to those around us? You may say ‘oh but truth is subjective’ well I don’t buy it. The truth is the truth. For example while I’m posting this paragraph over 100,000 animals have been slaughtered to death in the US. It doesn’t mean we have to be a prick when we speak up, but does this World really need another conditioned person who follows the herd? Another conflict-avoidant person? Isn’t it time we just dropped societies ideals of what is the ‘right way to behave’ and call *bullshit* when we see/hear it.
And I know you won’t give a fuck that I used some of your phrases, even if you did, I don’t give a fuck ;)
Ahhhh i fucking hate school people always talking shit about you behind your back and too much fucking drama but you know what from this point on i dont even give a fuck about anything anymore peace out biches
#Fuck You! ;D
Quite liberating blog. Not sure if it’s been mentioned, but my Dad imparted this bit of wisdom that I’ve carried forth 40 years later=”somebody is always watching you.” And, I have found that in every job, social situation, or family event, someone is constantly evaluating you or making judgements. And so, because of this, I have learned not to give two shits what people think. Do I still get bothered? Some. For instance, I have some asshole lady at work who has been nothing but rude, snobby, won’t even look me in my eyes. And, it’s natural to think, What in the hell have I done.” Once that stage is past, I have learned to push their shit back on them twice as hard. And, no matter what, don’t pacify, plead, bargain or hint at peace. If they want to make peace, let them make the first move. They started the war, they can initiate the peace treaty.
FUCK!!!! Nice Blog man…. have been pleasing everyone for quite sometime now, and its damn depressing…thanks a lot!!!
fuck yeah Im drunk but it does make sense
I grew up in a fucking evil environment as a single child negotioting peace all the time fuck that and start change i wanted to stop this shit but biggest revenge is getting succesfull and happy yourself
The first video is pretty funny. I mean jon lajoie is hilarious! You can watch the first video with the second video, if you want to download it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JrNuBSvuAw
I asked my cousin for the best advice he could offer me when I was 16 and he said: “stop giving a fuck.” I wasn’t sure how I would go about accomplishing this but I soon just began saying I don’t give a fuck and it is almost like magic. The things I desired most in life I started saying I didn’t give a fuck about them. For example I wanted this girl badly in high school and tried to get with her and it failed miserably. I was pretty hurt and lost my confidence.
So in college I wanted to get a lot of girls so I started not giving a fuck about getting women and all of a sudden I was getting numbers and having fun with them with little effort. By not caring about what I desired it felt as if the universe somehow needed to grab my attention by giving me anything that I wanted. So I just started to not give a fuck more and my confidence boosted and most importantly I FELT GOOD. I was happy and comfortable wherever I went and whoever I spoke to.
**The only bad thing was that I was not giving a fuck but didn’t know WHY. I started questioning why I didn’t give a fuck and kind of lost my mind at that moment. I went into a small depression and was trying to figure out who I was. But now I understand that for me, at least, not giving a fuck is the only way I can be sane and be confident. So don’t feel bad if you started giving a fuck about why you didn’t give a fuck because eventually you will not give a fuck again but this time you will know why you don’t give a fuck.
By the way this is a great post and the only legit article that is out there on how to not give a fuck. Great job and I still don’t give a fuck haha.
I don’t believe I just read that. There are other people that think this way too!?!?!? Well that irks me a bit, because I have been living my life to this “bible” for 20 years, half my life! But I am still as un-popular as I was in High School. No close friends anymore. Maybe I feel too strongly about the philosophies written above and it has been my un-doing. Maybe there are just too many wankers around today. Maybe I’m just still a skinny ugly-ass nerd. I have found myself cutting friends off because they don’t give a fuck. Especially this year when I turned 40 and not one person, friend nor family, acknowledged the fact it was my 40th. I believe in what is written above, but now I’m asking the question…can you take this attitude too far? Maybe I have.
Happy Birthday! I think there has to be a balance. Not giving a crap about what others think is ok as long as you’re not doing it deliberately to hurt anyone.
I think the point of all of this is for those who truly get hurt by the crappy opinions and tasteless judgment of others who simply don’t care because they aren’t affected by it themselves.
I’m thinking maybe just as a defense mechanism which one teaches oneself to use only when there’s a need for it & not something that has to become a facet of your personality. Like learning to let the petty stuff go and not over think it.
but if you got no friends?
i dont have them, so…
?help?
dude i translated all these awesome words to spanish. check it out http://culodelpinguino.blogspot.com/2011/12/la-guia-completa-para-que-no-te-importe.html
Hi do you realise the seriouse nature of your blog.
your bloggs should be stopped!!! You stand a good chance of upsetting the poor curtain twitchers that have nothing in their lives to do but enjoying themselves putting people down.Who gives a fuck if it hurts someone else if the curtain twichers of the world run out of less confident people.The curtain twichers will have nothing to exist for, their may be mass suicide or even worse they may go back to watching eastenders or the jerry springer show.
Seriously great blog you are an inspiration. Keep up the good work
Jim Evans (facebook)southminster england.
Of course the whole thing about the Julien Smith proposal is that it is also a charter for rude, ignorant and thoroughly f**ked up behaviour with some consequences in alarming others who are only going about their completely innocent drone lives. You see yobbism and vandalism does rely on doing what you like and ‘It doesn’t f**king matter’.
Mmm?
Love your blog. For years I really cared what everyone else was thinking. I grew up at 45 and realised that nobody really cares except your real friends. I was locked in a prison for years worryng what they thought. Now I think F*** them . I have never been happier.
fuck you all, cunts.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
YOUR BLOG IS THE BOMB! IT MADE ME LAUGH! =))
clearly explained everything, awesome!
Interesting blog. I arrived here because I searched under ‘you only really get to know those you work or live with’. The consequence being that any other associations have minimal opportunities for shoulder rubbing. That being the case I may as well throw in your direction what I thought. I think you are ‘prophetic’ – you see how things work before most others do. ‘The eye’ is your God given conscience – which can be obeyed or disobeyed – it rarely stops working entirely, but can be dulled by continuous unidirectional choices. ‘Not giving a fuck’ – this is embracing faith over and above fear. …I always end up coming round to the view that my belief about things is not as important as God’s view, and maybe that’s why I’m writing this. Best regards, Charles
That reminds me. I don’t happen to believe in God and a lot of people would like to see me stoned in the streets for that, but fuck em. To me, though, the “eye” is all too real. It seems like many of you don’t live in America (haven’t looked at all the comments), but the government CAN actually hurt u if they don’t like you or what you have to say. I’m not scared of terrorists, I’m scared of my own government. If you are suspected of being a terrorist, they are allowed to tap your phone, look at what websites you visit, what you buy with your credit cards, whatever. Even if you don’t say anything terrorist-like, there are at least two totally bullshit criteria that they can use to put u under surveillance: 1. missing an arm, leg, or both 2. having large amounts of food or water stored at your home. So it’s hard when no one, not even my family, wants me to “start anything”. I’d rather die standing up for what I believe in than suck up to the fucking government. So fuck them and they can come fucking assassinate me if they want. Believe me, I’m soooo trying not to give a fuck, but then the family doesn’t want me to die, blah, blah, blah, i’m so fuckin aggravated. And if anyone tells me to find Jesus, NO. Not my cup of tea, not really looking for him.
People are you all out of your fucking minds? you have left it all behind under the carpet in the closet deep in yourself somewhere abandoned by you, or who you think you are. I gave a fuck for about a year simply because i listened to what my foolish elders said. then after being whirled around in a sea of shit i was like fuck this shit its cold and stinky in this shit fucken gotta get out. so moral of the unfinished story of mine fuck you fuck everything fuck it all oh yea and fuck that guy standing over there, he looks funny.
Hey,
I started realising this on my 20th birthday (this year) I said to myself, I am almost an adult now (in my coumtry your truly adult at 21) nobody can walk over me like i’m some teenager that needs schooling from society. Fuck this shit, I find my own way and so far this attitude brought me more faster.
Great post dude
Haha I finally find it. :) The words to describe the way I have been living my life for as long as I can remember. I have posted this on facebook, and am going to tell more people about you. Not that you give a fuck but I’m giving you credit.
Best … advice … ever. It would be great to be able to speak about this at schools, perhaps it would mean a much more socially efficient and connective society. Somehow though I feel that wont work so well as youth lends itself to a primal inner competitor. This is exactly what we all need to know upon entering maturity, whatever that age may be.
I think I need to read this often.Thank you for writing it !
if you build it they will come; and then blow it up and run away laughing, glad they joined the castle trying to be king big fuck, king of all the little fucks.
I really loved reading this. Wish there was more…. hoping i can take all of this to mind and start a change.
So true and great article. Not giving a FUCK really does count, we do not live in kind times nor with a caring world. People do not give a crap what happens in your life and from now on I have to say, day 1, time to change, no more mister nice guy and being compliant. Make change happen and use your intelligence and worldliness to put the other guy aside. DO NOT be a Lemming! Great article and thank you! Cheers!
This is a great post! I had to scroll down for what seemed like ten minutes just so I could post a comment. Thanks for sharing. Sometimes its easy to not to give a fuck, and sometimes it’s difficult, (depending on the circumstances) regardless of how strong we try to be. We are all human, after all. But being the softy, yet painfully honest person that I am. Your article has definitely inspired moi. Again thank you for your words of wisdom. :) Happy 2012!
I’ve had a tough year and am so glad I found your ‘bit’ online. When I thought I didn’t have any way out I read what you wrote. Thank you. I think you may have just stopped me from doing something really bad. Thank you. There should be more people like you on this earth. God bless….. JJ
a huge part of the problem for me is the internet, im a comment section/forum addict. No more of that, at the end of the day its probably some fat slob with bits of pizza on his shirt trying to bring me down, who gives a fuck what he/she thinks, losers opinions shouldn’t count, this is the 1st day of me trying, but Im making an effort to completely stop reading comment section,AND only read articles/updates in the forums/newspapers. Wish me luck, because I won’t look at your responses, nor give a damn what they say.
This.Is.Amazing.
Just what I needed and wanted :) Thanks!
That was awesome! I’ll admit that I care wayyyy too much about what the people I work with think of me. NO MORE! it’s time to put these bitches in their place!
Good shit, mother fucker! Keep it up!
I agree it is more important to care about what “you think” and to let others know what you think. Stand for your values and stand your ground but in doing so it is not necessary, most of the time, to piss everyone off. The skill is to speak your piece so that others will hear the message and respect you for saying what you have to say. Most people won’t for fear of offending others. Speak your piece, don’t make it personal and let others know you will stand for what you believe in. If more people did this there would be less racism and other forms of attacks on minorities. Good luck on this quest. Did I mention I am 65 and still trying to figure this one out but I am getting better at it! Bob
This article came on my birthday. It’s changing my life because I have been facing this problem. I have been spending most of my time in my room brooding and caring and even being depressed to the point of feeling alien from myself. And the answer is simple. Just stop giving a fuck. Don’t care what they think about you and spend more time on caring about the people that do matter and you’ll just feel better in the long run. Thank you! This article means a lot to me!
Everything you said at the begginning is me. Even the fact that I am 31years old, I REAALLLY need to practise those rules.
whoa man. this is soooo helpful! thanks a lot
Thanks for the blog post. I keep writing and deleting comments, so let me try to keep it short. I came online because I have no one on earth to talk to when I go into panic attack mode. I’m scared to be open with my psychiatrist because she knows I think about suicide most of the time and I’m not taking care of myself. I can’t kill myself because I could never do that to parents. NEVER. I’m 30 yrs old, got fired from my last job for being “abnormal” (yes, really), and I have no one to talk to. I was having a panic attack, but had nothing to do to release the aggression except cry and pace around. I googled “I want to kill myself right fucking now, i need help, and don’t want to hear any fucking corny bullshit”, and your page came up somewhere on the first page. If anything, it was very refreshing to read and made me stop crying, so thanks for that. I’m just aggravated because I’m a nurse, I give tons of a fuck about my patients, and not the least little tiny fuck about my “haters”. The only problem is, “nursing is a privilege, not a right”, so it doesn’t matter to my bosses and co-workers if all my patients and their families love me, because I’m “abnormal”. Do I give a fuck? Hell no. But do I want a job and to remain independent? Yes. So I basically have to ACT like I give a fuck, which kills my very soul. Some nurses are evil bitches, so I’ve tried the not give a fuck approach, now I need to learn how to appear that I give a tremendous fuck when I really could care less. It pisses me off that people actually can hurt u by not liking you by fucking with ur money and livelihood.
Anyway, I originally wanted to post because I found it quite ironic that I clicked on the video link to watch the clip of “Just Watch Me”, and speaking of censorship, i got a comment saying, that the original person who posted that video on YouTube has not allowed it to be viewed in the United States. Oh, well. Fuck it…lol
I fucking love u for making me smile in a suicidal moment.
This all describes me, how I act and how I think but no matter how much I want to I can’t do it! Going out in public with something totally ridiculous on for personal embarrassment I can’t do it. I was picked on for all of my child hood life and I know it all leads back to this but I just don’t wanna care what people say or think of me anymore I just wanna worry about ME! I often wonder if maybe I actually need to go to a physiologist and see if they can help. What do you guys think?
This all describes me, how I act and how I think but no matter how much I want to I can’t do it! Going out in public with something totally ridiculous on for personal embarrassment I can’t do it. I was picked on for all of my child hood life and I know it all leads back to this but I just don’t wanna care what people say or think of me anymore I just wanna worry about ME! I often wonder if maybe I actually need to go to a physiologist and see if they can help. What do you guys think?
I just read your comment and it could have been something i would write! I was thinking of contacting my doctor today to be referred to a counsellor to talk about all the madness in my head, but i found this blog and it really rang a chord with me – all my life I’ve been worried that I’m not liked, sometimes to the point of depression, all the way from school till now (I’m 32) and its culminated this week with a group of friends. I was doing my usual worrying that i was being left out of activities and being talked about behind my back and i suddenly realised – ‘I’m 32′!!! I’m not 10 – I’m an adult now – i can make my own choices about who i let into my life! Ive become a different person, trying to please everyone around me that all I’ve actually done is alienate them and make them think I’m this paranoid weirdo! today is the first day of the rest of my life, join me on my walk into the rest of my life, loser free with my head held high! xx
This blog hits home for me.. I was online looking for something totally unrelated and i found your article, but I’m glad I did cause it makes perfect sense. There’s a quote that says “it ain’t what they call you, its what you answer to!” So many times in life we try to please people who arent worth it. And we lose ourselves in the process.. Fuck the the bullshit from outsiders, keep it 100 within yourself and strive for perfection..! Its been tough to be yourself at times but I think I’m just about done keeping ‘strangers’ happy. And it feels sooo good to speak the truth, my soul’s at ease, so like it or not, I DON’T GIVE A FUUUUCK…lmao!!
I was searching randomly and happened to come across this site. It was like kismet or something, and exactly what I needed at the moment to put things back into perspective.
You can’t hold yourself back from doing what you truly desire in life because of how others may perceive you. You can’t remain in a worthless state because of all the past wrongdoings against you. You can’t live trying to please everyone, or have any expectations of others. You can only care and believe in yourself and move on. At the end of it all, no one’s going to live life for you, and no one’s going to give a fuck if you don’t live it for yourself.
Awesome article, love it. Thumbsup. I apply this anyway – but thanks for confirming, and putting it out there.
That’s a great article. Good work.
Awefuckingsome. Thank you.
How I found this website? Googled the words “how the fuck do you feel right now”. I really did not hope to find something valuable. And here you are.
I don’t like Stephen King. He’s cruel when describing killing animals.
And now I think I’m going to learn how to play keyboard.
Don’t worry if you can’t understand me (I’m sure you won’t give a fuck anyway).
Thanks to remind me the biggest bitch is the bitch inside me.
I love it!!
“What people truly respect is when you draw the line and say “you will go no further.” They may not like this behaviour…”
I find that sometimes I also have to draw that line with people who I do like & who I am close to and I find that they don’t usually like it very well either! Nobody likes it when you tell them NO- but that’s too bad (I guess your phrasing is a little better).
Exactly!
Love this, love the way you write and think!
You’re an idiot. You realize that, right?
FECK YEAH! You are the awesomest person in the world! I thought I was the only one who thinks no one should give a crap about what others think! WOO!
Thank you so much for this. Something just happened to me that made me see what my “friend” really thinks of me, and so I have been contemplating what others think. This helped me realize that I really don’t need to give a fuck, because I am me and if they don’t like me, I ‘ll find someone that does.
Trying not to give a fuck but my eye is too strong.
Funny thing for me is that I am being adult bullied a job that I’ve been at for less than four months. It is a small organization and the only way for me to get along with these people would be for me to tuck my tail, swallow my pride and give a fuck what they think! I’m pissed. In other situations, I have historically spoken my mind, but just recently due to the size of the organization and the overpowering nature of acceptance of these behaviors, I’ve stopped talking about it…today I’m saying FUCK IT! Bring this shit on! I will no longer be humiliated by people who pretend to have my best interest at heart and are disrespecting me in front of my team and behind my back!FFFFFF IT!!!!
Thank you for writing this!
problem?
Im so pleased that i found your blog, i poured over this whole article – its me!
Ive always been someone who has struggled to keep friendships because my paranoia about what they are saying about me behind my back has eventually pushed them away. My ‘eye’ is a big one and never switches off! Im currently struggling with a group of friends who used to all be close and a year down the line is starting to split off into smaller groups, none of which I’m involved in. Its really painful to be let down by ‘friends’ but then i realised that they arent really friends at all! They feed off the ass licking of the others that are ‘accepted’ and I’ve figured out that no matter how much ego massaging i do, they don’t like me any the more for it!
Thank you for the verbal smack in the chops and for making me wise up to it all – time to find some genuine friends who like me for me and not for the me I’ve been pretending to be xx
I have Aspergers and I don’t give a fuck about anything :-) I offend people daily care factor zippo!!!
Thanks for opening my fucking eyes!
I used to feel like such a pussy, but after reading some of you inspirational articles i have changed my life. You are ridding the world of pussies one at a time! ;)
I care sooo much what people think of me. it is easy to say dont giie a fuck, but hard to put it into practice. i i here that someone at school has been talking about me behind my back i go into this strange mode where it feels like my whole body has seized up… im sure thats not normal…. and i dont talk eat or even drink as i am in this strange feeling that i do not know hoow to describe. this girl at school said “why is she sitting with us” regarding me and i cried all night. i mean how dumb is that.. i think i mignt need help. anyone else feel like this?
man this website helped me so much i remember spending like 25 mins on perfecting my short hair lol and as a guy your ussally thinking my hair is good enough. But now im just like i dont give a fuck about it anymore, my ex gf and best friend started dating from my help idk how i helped them but i told them the truth of her being a slut and i feel GREAT
Someone posted “How to Change Your Life” from this blog on Facebook–it was so invigorating that I began reading from the archive.
I have read ad infinitum about learned helplessness, the power of positive thinking, re-training the brain, etc., but you have elevated motivational training into an art: easily assimilatable, inspirational, pragmatic. I particularly like the no-sugarcoating tone.
The Nike ad exhorts: just do it; however, much as people say they want to change, they have to have the tools and the right spiritual cheerleader to motivate them enough so they learn to motivate themselves. Easier said than done, but if you really seek change and have the commitment and perseverance to it, it can be done.
Kudos on a terrific blog.
I try to get past the hate, the haters, but there is too much of it in my life. Without that I have nothing! Sad. Is nothing better?
See, there is a fine line between being someone who doesn’t care and being an arsehole. How you take peoples judgment is what is important but if the not caring attitude makes you behave cold or makes you rude towards others, then you become an arsehole. I’m sure you don’t care but just watch and see how the people around you start to treat you for the worse, if you act like the latter part of not caring.
Very cool !! Forgive my ignorance, but have you written a book? You should!
I am watched by the eye my entire life. Now, finally, I am happily announcing this in the presence of you -the usurpers of exaggerated nicks- that I loved to live under the shadow of a lie until this very moment. I was a fool, then. But now, I am FOOL at last. Fuck you all.
Love,
Jester.
it;s not that i;m pleasing other it;s that know matter how hard i try to please my self theres always an asshole who does there best to get in my way .but i;m one of those people that dosent say anything i guess i dont have a back bone so fuck it.
“Do something you consider embarrassing. Find your internal filters and break them, one at a time. Notice how society, like an ocean, smooths over the waves you make, until what you do gets eliminated, or becomes the status quo.”
Great metaphor! You’re the (wo)man!!
I haven’t a fuck to give lol