If yes, proceed. If no, adjust the level of change. We can’t go from 0 to 60 without getting through 10, 20, 30, 40, etc. Just like we can’t go from doing something to doing nothing overnight–unless some major external force makes you.

If you drink six cups of coffee a day, you won’t get to no cups without going to five cups first. Would you be willing to maintain one fewer cups a day forever? Great, then do it. After a while, you may find yourself doing one fewer than that, then one fewer, then one fewer. You may never be willing to eliminate it entirely, but you’re brain is in a much better place to evaluate that decision once you’re already in the pattern of managing with much less.

The same is true when you’re trying to add in a new, perhaps healthier habit. You can’t go from no exercise to seven days a week overnight, sustainably. Just can’t. Sorry. You might be able to introduce one day. Or a new route to work that makes you walk 10 minutes longer…but you have to be willing to do it, and the only true evaluator of its sustainability is if you’re WILLING to do it…for the rest of your life. Not WANT to, not NEED to, but WILLING to.

That means a lot of very, very small changes rather than one big one. But lots of little changes are much more likely to stick….

I agree with the “seek out change often” advice, though the natural next question is often ignored, i.e., if forcing the brain to adapt to new circumstances keeps us “psychologically limber”, why don’t we all seek out change all the time?

I suspect that the answer has to do with “mental bandwidth”. Adapting to change requires a lot of energy to re-wire the brain, and if you do it too often, you burn out. The “brain as a muscle” analogy is valid here… Keep it challenged/worked out, but don’t overdo it -the trick is to know when you’re engaged in a constructive workout/change, and when you’re going too far.

After all, “I didn’t think I could do it, but I managed to” stories are everywhere, but it’s because no-one does motivational speeches about ending in failure and nervous breakdowns… Hollywood is bursting with people who “went for it and gave it their all” and who are now depressed, bitter waiters.

I don’t want to be a downer here, and I say these things as someone who takes more risks than most and has exceeded their own expectations on a number of occasions. I just think that the “just do it” mantra is often bad advice, and should be replaced with the something more nuanced:

1) Identify activities that expand your baseline limits and capacity to adapt (like exercise, getting enough sleep, etc. as others mention above), and do them often.

2) Every once in a while, do something at which you might fail. This is the key -to pick something where the real possibility of failure exists, but at which you stand some chance of succeeding. Find out everything you can about the challenge beforehand, and make sure you have the mental reserves to deal with a failure and move on. Then do it.

3) Understand the role of randomness in the world. If you fail, try to recognize that external factors play more of a role than most people realize, so don’t beat yourself up too much (see “The Drunkard’s Walk” by Leonard Mlodinow for more on this).

Not very pithy, but more helpful, I think.

What I finally realized about resolving to not do “bad” things (smoke, drink too much coffee/alcohol, consume too much talk radio/TV, etc.) was that I maintained my bad habits until I had a compelling reason to stop…and then I stopped. (I know: “weird, right?”)

So in the instance of smoking, I felt that rumble coming on that was the first sign of bronchitis, which I’d been through twice before (yes, TWICE), and threw my half-full pack in the garbage. Done. Not without pain, but done. Ditto the physical neglect & coffee consumption: I got Crohn’s and bam! It was suddenly more important to take care of myself than to not.

I used to beat myself up for backsliding–okay, I still do–but now, I look at it as, “Oh, sh*t; not ready YET, I guess.” And move on. (Painfully, but still.)

So to answer your original question, I go through the process of finding what I believe are the most heart-centered goals, then draw them up, then see what happens. (I’ve been using Jinny Ditzler’s very detailed Best Year Yet process for this for a while now.)

What’s interesting is that there’s usually some negotiation a few months in, and I’ve NEVER hit all the goals, but I always find myself moving forward in the direction of my big, main, squishy goal (“To be a joyful conduit of truth, beauty and love”). On some level, it’s working, in other words.

But for the fine-grained, more “masculine” approach to goal-setting/accomplishing, I’d look into Chris Guillebeau’s methodology. That boy is an accomplishment MACHINE, and still someone I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with. (The two states do not usually exist in tandem.)

Goals aren’t “doing X every day”, cause those are a recipe for disaster. They’re clear objectives that don’t depend on anyone else. This year (2009) I wanted to be able to make chocolate:
1) based on a replicable recipe that
2) I could give with pride,
3) in a nice package.

Very specific, and only depends on me. I don’t actually care if a specific person likes my chocolate or not, I’m giving away chocolate *I* like. It’s not perfect, since I fucked up on #3 – so I just now ordered better moulds and plastic casings.

Habits are a different beast. Chocolate used to be a daily addiction. Rather than fight it, I chose to delve deeper and learn to appreciate it more – especially higher quality bars. I still eat chocolate, but it’s not daily or as reflexive.

It’s an expensive way to do it, and I’ve seen friends do the same with coffee.

I’ve actually quit caffeine twice this year (mine was always through soda pop, not coffee). The first time I used to keep a daily track of “not drinking” Diet Pepsi and it lasted about four months. Two months ago I quit again and so far, so good, although certain foods will always tempt me into drinking Diet Pepsi again, just like some people associate drinking and smoking.

All I can really suggest is 30 day trials, tracking progress, and keeping the end goal in sight.

Where I have implemented my most important change, which is at the opposite side of the spectrum from your examples of giving up something that is clearly not doing you any good, is with exercise. The more I exercise, the more water I take in, the less coffee affects me negatively, and the happier I am. Unfortunately, it is incredibly easy to get out of a work-out routine, and very difficult to resume it.

So, my solution is to take away the self-imposed feelings of guilt and punishment. It doesn’t matter that I got out of routine again. Start again and start now. Once you realize it’s been a few days (ahhhh, a few weeks) since your last workout, make it your top priority to get a work out in.

I believe that exercise and getting outdoors is THE KEY to being able to handle the change, any change, that you are talking about above. If you are physically healthy, you will be more equipped mentally and emotionally to handle whatever change you need to deal with.